Dear Violet

Burnout is a slow build. Just like how keeping emotions bottled up inside will inevitably reach a boiling point, so will our stress levels, drive, motivation, and all-around willingness to do pretty much anything. This has been something I’ve experienced recently –– all of it bottling up inside of me just waiting to explode. I think I did actually explode though… or at least a small eruption. So be better than me.

Going through this recently has made me think: Why does burnout happen? Is there a way to avoid it? How do we know it’s coming? What, if any, are the steps to fixing burnout?

And, lucky for you, I have none of those answers! (But who does? God?) What I do have is my own thoughts and experience, and from that, I have realized one of the keys for recognizing burnout before you crash out is spotting the warning signs. Our bodies are amazing things, and they will tell us when we are burning out. All we have to do is listen to it. Easy, right?

Warning Sign #1: Always Being Tired

Busy weeks come and go. Sometimes it feels like the busy weeks never end and you’re just a hamster on a wheel trying to make it to the next day. But, regardless of “being busy,” if you’re waking up after a full night’s sleep (meaning 7-8 hours of sleep) (probably also meaning with no alcohol or melatonin to get you to sleep either) and you are still tired… red flag.

This was me just this past month. It felt like I would never get off the hamster wheel and I was exhausted all the time. I realized, however, that I am always busy – that’s just life ­– and I am usually one that keeps myself busy anyway. However, my exhaustion was interrupting my work ethic and my social behavior. I was walking into the office everyday looking sluggish and run down (to the point where people would say something which is NOT what any woman wants to hear). This clearly was a problem.

Now that I have recognized I was getting burnt out, I can see that this exhaustion was my body’s way of telling me that I was running on empty for a little too long. I needed to change something and change something fast because a crash out was brewing.

Warning Sign #2: Everything is Overwhelming

This one is huge. Making dinner seems like too much work? Red flag. It takes energy to hang out with your partner/spouse? Red flag. Seeing friends for an event that has been on the calendar for 5 months seems like a task? Red flag. Going on a trip seemed like a lot of work? Red. Flag.

That last one was the biggest red flag for me. This summer, I am traveling a lot – which I LOVE. I wouldn’t have made all the travel plans if I didn’t love it. And not all of it was extravagant travel – some was just a quick road trip to see family or a weekend with friends from college. But after a couple of these trips, I started to get really annoyed with traveling. Something that I used to treasure so much –– the feeling of seeing the sky from an airplane, being able to try different restaurants, or getting to swim in the ocean –– it was dulled in my mind by me being overwhelmed. Instead of thinking about fun plans for the trips, I was thinking about how I have to go to Target AGAIN to get more travel things AGAIN and then I have to do laundry AGAIN, and the list goes on. Not once was I thinking about my love for travel or how excited I was for the trip planned. One of my favorite things had become overwhelming. Not only a red flag, but also pretty sad.

Warning Sign #3: Can’t Focus

My job is basically reading a bunch of documents, editing a bunch of documents, and then drafting a bunch of documents. My eyes are locked on a screen 8 hours a day just staring at words like “resolved further,” “whereby the Plaintiff,” and “hereto.” (Someone really needs to modernize legal language because the Shakespeare talk is getting old.) My point in saying this is, yeah, somedays it’s more difficult to stay focused. It’s hard to draft documents with weird language every day and not get a little distracted from time to time. But this trouble of focus was different. I couldn’t even read a page out of a fictional book that I was reading for fun. My mind would go blank.

Brain fog is real people. It’s your body’s sign that it needs rest, fuel and maybe some sunlight before it can recharge to full power again. Sometimes, this takes a long time to do. I still don’t feel like my brain is back to being fully recharged. Everything takes time I guess.

Warning Sign #4: Your Body is Talking

Headaches? Tension in your neck? Stomach issues? Yeah… sounds like stress to me! Sometimes this will happen, and you won’t understand because your body will speak before your mind does. It is that much more important to recognize that physical symptoms can be a sign of burnout so that you can attack it before it attacks you.

The thing that happens to me is that my eye twitches. Only my left eye. I also get the headaches and tension, but when my left eye twitches… it’s bad news. I know it’s a mix of me not getting enough sleep, drinking too much caffeine, staring at a computer screen for too long, and not taking out my contacts when I should (but that’s a personal problem). The only nice thing about this (even though it’s not nice whatsoever) is that it is a true physical sign. My body legitimately tells me to slow down. To take a breath. To put the books down for a second. But how can we do that? The world keeps going even if you stop, so how can we possibly slow down?

The Truth: Stepping Back is Better Than Wobbling Forward

Once you recognize any of these early warning signs, you need to take action. You are a human being, not a robot, and you deserve a second to breathe. I am writing those exact words because I really need to hear them myself: “I am not a robot.” It’s really hard for me to give myself permission to slow down. I always think I can just do one more thing. Reality check: I can’t. Why? Because I will burn out and crash out all at the same time.

Here are some things I have done to “step back” so I can regain my footing instead of wobbling forward with a couple blisters and a swollen ankle:

1. Use a focus timer app. I have found this very useful to use so I can be signaled to take a break when I am working. My settings are so that every 25 minutes, my phone dings, and then after 5 minutes of a break, it will ding again to start working. In those 5 minutes, I get up. Maybe I stretch a little or change the laundry or unload the dishwasher, but at least it gets me up. Otherwise, I could be sitting at the computer for hours and not even recognize that I hadn’t taken a single break.
2. Say “no.” Oof – this one’s difficult. I am a people-pleaser. You too? Yeah… not fun. We have to do it for ourselves though. Every “yes” you say is a trade with your own time and energy. Think about what you value. Think about what you prioritize. A lot of times, saying “no” will mean that you won’t show up crabby or half-ass the project or regret saying “yes” for the next week. Then, the next time you actually do say “yes,” you will be present, focused, more enjoyable to be around, and better aligned. Trust me.
3. Get outside. Go for a walk. Those 5-minute breaks with the focus timer app are a perfect time to walk around the block or to just step outside and maybe water the flowers. You really do need to “touch grass” to feel better. The sun isn’t shining just for you to be inside all day.
4. Use a planner and/or make to-do lists. Write down what you want to get done the night before. Make priorities. And when tomorrow comes, don’t do anything else until this list is complete. It will make you feel accomplished and energized. I make a to-do list every day, and I include things like “shower,” “wash hair,” “dishes,” etc. because it feels too damn good to cross things off a list.

Burnout is easier to prevent than to recover from. If you fall off the hamster wheel, the wheel will eventually stop turning. You just have to stay on and slow down sometimes. “Slow down” doesn’t mean make excuses for everything, never show up again, and be lazy with work because your “body needs rest.” It means listening to your body, drinking a glass of water, writing a to-do list, and keeping up with your basic human needs.

You are not a robot.

‘Til next time.